Friendship and Cancer

I would recommend Bonnie Draeger's book, When Cancer Strikes a Friend, for anyone looking to make a difference.  It's a great read--yet practical on every level.

Being a friend during cancer is never an easy task, and there are often questions and concerns that strike at the heart of friendship.

For men, especially, the book offers some wonderful options.  Outdoor excursions, movies, books . . . it's all here.  A great read.

As one friend noted:  "Always keep in mind what is most important, and don't try to do too much.  Remember:  Don't think that you have to do more than the friendship allows.  Just be there.  Show that you care."

Indeed . . . and none of us can forget that we may need to have the favor returned some day. 

Statistics That Heal

One of the most staggering statistics related to cancer is this:  that more than 1.5 million people in the U.S. will be diagnosed with the disease this year.  This is sobering . . . but glanced at from another vantage point it can also be inspiring to most women who are diagnosed with breast cancer.

After all:
1. Most women survive their breast cancer.
2. The 1.5 million represents all types of cancer.
3. They are not alone.

The latter reality can loom large for women as they begin the breast cancer journey.  Continue to remind that she is not alone in her fight.  This reassurance can be both uplifting and energizing.  Fighting a battle alone is never easy.  Fighting as a team is quite different.

Another noteworthy is that, overall, more men (nearly 1 out of 2) will be diagnosed with some form of cancer this year, while less women (1 out of 3) will receive the same news.  So, men can strong allies in the breast cancer fight.

Final stat:  men make a difference--always.

Keep this one in mind as you grow in your awareness and your support.  Keep these stats handy, and make sure she knows she is not alone.
 

Walkers

There are many ways that husbands can support their wives through breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.  And one of those ways is by walking in those events and gatherings supportive of breast cancer survivors and fundraising for a cure.  There are many organizations (a long list is available in the back of Husband's Guide to Breast Cancer) that raise funds, provide funds, or conduct research or support.

Chances are there are upcoming walks in your area--and, if your wife is at a stage where she can walk--you might make the journey with her.  Walking together will strengthen your relationship and offer a sense of solidarity.

Or, if you are the kind of personality who works well at gathering a team--try forming a larger group to walk with, or for, your wife.  These many friends and family members will have a huge impact.

Finally, don't forget that--even if you don't do a walk--you can still walk.  Walking is exercise.  Walking is healing.  Walking is hope.

Keep moving.   

The Grand Walk

Soon after my wife had achieved full recovery from her cancer surgery (with no chemo) she decided to celebrate by hiking the Grand Canyon from rim to rim (North to South).  She achieved this goal with the help of a good friend.  And, although, I didn't go along on that journey, I was there in spirit.

A few months later, however, I did take the walk with my wife at several cancer-related events.  There was a cancer "style show", a walk for a cure, and a large walk through the streets of Indianapolis for cancer survivors.  I was glad I participated in these, one and all.

Men can be of great support to their wives not only by participating in these events, but more importantly, by walking the walk every day.

During those first months of full recovery, while a woman is working up to full strength, men can lend their greater strength and effort to a variety of projects.  Some of these could be household needs, while others might be work-related or even family-related.

And, of course, if you do have an opportunity to take that Grand Canyon walk, and if your wife is up to it . . . I'd highly recommend making that journey, too. 

The Pink Ribbon

Sometimes the smallest expressions can mean the most:  a red rose in a vase, a handwritten note left beside the bed, a cup of coffee.  And when it comes to offering support to a woman journeying through breast cancer, all of these gifts can, and more, can speak volumes.

But men can also wear a pink ribbon.  Wearing the ribbon not only represents a sign of solidarity and awareness, but can often be the source of conversation and, in many instances, additional support.  Likewise, wearing the pink ribbon can serve as a reminder . . . men often find themselves thinking about their wives when they wear one.

Amazingly, men also discover that there are many others (in the workplace, in the neighborhood) who have also helped wives through breast cancer.  It's a kind of club . . . not one we would prefer to belong to, but a type of fraternity of understanding, nonetheless.

Don't have a pink ribbon?  You'll have no trouble finding one.  Any cancer organization would be happy to send one to you . . . and your wife likely has one close at hand.

Think pink! 

Valentine's Day

Men, if your wife is currently embracing her breast cancer journey (or even if she's now a breast cancer survivor), don't forget that Valentine's Day can be a very meaningful expression of your love and support.  Surprise her with flowers or candy or a special night out, or if you are the creative sort, write her a letter or a poem.

If you wife is currently in therapy or preparing for a surgery, special gifts for this Valentine's Day could include:

* A throw (to keep her legs warm in the hospital or at home)
* A sweater
* Some favorite magazines (that she doesn't subscribe to)
* New books

Use your imagination . . . but extend your support to let her know that you are with her through the storm.  Those small gifts will pay huge dividends when it comes to keeping her motivated and energized by love.  You will truly be her Valentine.

~Todd Outcalt

On Being a Support Partner

Need to know how you can help you wife through breast cancer?  Here's a quick video with some helpful tips.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPdLXKIIwBI

A Woman's Perspective on Breast Cancer

Speaking at breast cancer support groups, I realize that a woman's perspective is most important.  Sure, as a support partner I can comment on my experience, but I often ask my wife, "What would you tell other women who have received a breast cancer diagnosis?"

Her thoughts?

Regardless of the diagnosis/prognosis, keep hope alive.  This is an important ingredient in recovery.  Hope is where we embrace energy and discover the resiliency of the human spirit.

Don't rush to a conclusion.  Patients may feel a compulsion to make a decision--and to do so quickly--but in most cases, there is time to study, consult, pray, and reflect upon treatment options.

Consult. Consult.  Consult.  Enough said.

Stay positive.  Often, this is a difficult task.  But focus on the outcome, the end you are pursuing.  Surround yourself with positive people.  Eat well.  Rest.  Lay worry aside for a time each day to pursue interests and live for others.  Don't become so self-absorbed that you wallow in your diagnosis.


(Stay tuned for more Women's Perspectives . . . Part 2)

Helping with Finances

For those who enjoy a visual overview of breast cancer finances . . . here's Johnny.  Keep hope alive!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJWPKupzC2Q

Money Matters 2

One of the most difficult aspects of a breast cancer diagnosis, for most people, involves the financial crunch (and sometimes financial fallout) that accompanies surgery, hospital stay, and subsequent treatments.  Breast cancer is stressful as it is, but the impact of finances on the situation can make treatment all the more harrowing.

But don't panic. 

Men, as caregivers, can make a big difference here. And a few suggestions might help.

First, keep in mind that most financial concerns--if they do develop--did not develop overnight.  And consequently, they could take an equal amount of time to resolve.  In essence, the financial cogs move slowly.  And many people complain that they never know where they stand, financially, until a year after treatments are complete.  At any rate, it can be a long time.

Having this time can help you to formulate a plan.  This plan might involve taking on a part-time job (a second job) or looking for ways that additional revenue can be procured.  This time can also afford you conversations with the bank, with your mortgage company, or with your employer.  All of it helps, and most men manage to find a way through the confusion to reach financial health.

Secondly, a great many of the financial stresses that families incur can also be addressed through some form of billing or monthly expenditure.  Often, the initial figures are staggering, but when broken down into monthly payments or over the course of a year, a bill can become manageable.

Be aware that financial stresses are common, too.  In the end, it often helps to remember that you are not alone.  Others have passed this way before you.  And if they have done it, so can you!

Money Matters 1

Breast cancer, of course, can exact a physical and emotional toll on a family, but it can also exact a financial toll as well.  Increasingly, with new forms of therapy, new medications, new procedures, and an array of follow-up visits--a breast cancer diagnosis requires a deep bank account, even for those who are insured.

So let's talk money matters for a bit here.  I hope a few insights might help.

Here, let's talk about creating a financial plan.  Early in the diagnosis, cancer patients and their families should sit down together and first determine the resources available to cover those expenses that insurance will not cover.  Some of these expenses may be of the smaller variety, but others could mount.  And doctors and hospitals--as well as other cancer patients' experiences--can help you in determining what these costs might be.

Next, if you know what some of these expenses are going to be, and feel that you may not have the financial resources to cover these costs, begin by contacting a social worker at the hospital.  A medical social worker can steer you in the right direction, or may have initial suggestions for you.

Begin to work your plan.  This may involve saving a bit more each month, or cutting back on certain expenses (think about those non-essentials such as cable subscriptions, beyond-basic phone plans, and even lunches and dinners out).  Most families will discover that they can save a few hundred dollars a month by just cutting the non-essentials from the financial appetite.

Finally, if you don't have one already--develop a budget that reflects the new reality with the cancer-related expenses.  Be creative in your work here--and don't overlook any downturn in your income that might be related to loss of time at work or time away from the job.  Be realistic.  Don't fall into the trap of believing that by ignoring a financial problem that it will go away.  Face the reality, but face it early so that you can concentrate on using your work and your finances to get well.

By taking some of these early steps, you can avoid deeper financial problems later.

(Visit again for more Money Matters . . . )